Am I in an abusive relationship? | Myths & Realities | Domestic Violence Quiz |
Why Does She Stay? | Cycle of Violence | Effects of DV on Children |
National Statistics | Stories & Poems | LGBTQ Services
Warning Signs of Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships | IPV Prevalence |
Testimonials | FAQs | Services Available at the WSP | Local Victim Services
LGBTQ Services
Warning Signs of Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships
Has Your Partner Ever:
Hurt or threatened to hurt you, your children or pets?
Thrown things at you or broken objects during an argument?
Tried to keep you from getting medical help?
Threatened to “out” your sexual orientation in order to embarrass or discredit you?
Threatened that you’ll lose your children/child custody if your sexual orientation is publicly known?
Reinforced fears that no one will help you because the community is intolerant of your sexual orientation or gender identity?
Become extremely jealous and controlling of who you associate with?
Blamed you for “causing” him/her to lose control?
Forced you to have sex or made you do things during sex that made you feel uncomfortable?
Deliberately destroyed or damaged something you value?
IPV Prevalence
“Studies indicate that domestic violence occurs in LGBTQ communities with the same amount of frequency and severity as in the heterosexual community and affects as many as one-in-three relationships. Men as well as women are battered or abuse their partners.”
L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s STOP Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence Program report, 2002
“While same-sex battering mirrors heterosexual battering both in type and prevalence, its victims receive fewer protections.”
Barnes, It’s Just a Quarrel, American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 24.
“Same-sex batterers use forms of abuse similar to those of heterosexual batterers. They have an additional weapon in the threat of “outing” their partner to family, friends, employers or community.”
Lundy, Abuse That Dare Not Speak Its Name: Assisting Victims of Lesbian and Gay Domestic Violence in Massachusetts, 28 New Eng. L. Rev. 273, Winter 1993
Testimonials
“With support and guidance, I know I have the strength to live a healthy and violence free life. I know I don’t deserve to be abused.” - Alice
“I didn’t think a woman would abuse another woman, but then it happened to me. I know now I’m not alone. There is violence and abuse in lesbian relationships.” - Sandy
“He never hit me, but his words made me feel like I was nothing.” - George
“Coming out as a gay man was hard enough. When my ex-boyfriend would hit me and call me names, I didn’t know where to turn. Making the counseling appointment was hard, but well worth it. The staff respected my need for confidentiality.” - Sam
FAQs
Q: Can LGBTQ individuals be victims of Intimate Partner Violence (“IPV”)?
A: Yes. The dynamics of control and abuse are not confined to heterosexual relations.
Q: I heard that the Women’s Shelter Program (WSP) only helps women. I’m a gay male who is looking for services. Can you help me too?
A: Absolutely. Contrary to what some people think, WSP does serve men. However, we do not house men at the emergency shelter. We can provide limited hotel stays, counseling, case management, legal services and other support services to male victims.
Q: I identify as a transgender woman, but I am pre-op. Can I receive services?
A: Yes. As noted previously, all individuals are eligible for support. If you identify your gender as “female,” you are also eligible for receiving state funded services at the emergency shelter.
Q: I’m afraid to report the abuse for fear that I’m going to be “outed” to my friends and family who don’t yet know I’m gay. What should I do?
A: This is a very real concern for many LGBTQ IPV survivors. However, WSP staff are sensitive to this issue and will provide confidential counseling and support services to assist your particular needs.
Q: Can I receive services even if I don’t want to come to your emergency shelter?
A. Yes. Although the agency’s name includes the word “shelter,” WSP provides a wide range of support services. Individuals do not need to stay at our emergency shelter to receive counseling, legal assistance, case management or other related services.
Q: Will your staff understand or be able to empathize with what I’m going through?
A. WSP prides itself on training all staff on best practices in assisting LGBTQ survivors. Many counselors have had significant experience in assisting LGBTQ clients. Please feel free to express this concern when you contact the agency and we’ll do our best to answer any questions you may have.
Q: I just need to talk to someone. But I don’t want to be pressured to leave my relationship. Can I still receive services?
A: Yes. It is common for individuals to want to “assess their options” when there have been instances of abuse in a relationship. Our counselors and staff understand this dynamic and will never pressure or force you to leave the relationship. We will, however, give you information and resources if you decide to do so.
Q: My partner and I want to receive couples counseling to “work things out.” Do you offer this service?
A: No. Due to safety standards in the domestic violence field, we do not offer conjoint or couples counseling when there have been instances of abuse or violence. Individual counseling is available to assist both individuals separately (so long as the abuser is not court mandated to seek treatment).
Q: I fear that I might be at risk for perpetrating violence or abuse. Where can I get help?
A: WSP does provide services to “selfreferred” (non-court mandated) individuals who are concerned that their behavior might be abusive or potentially abusive. Counseling services for self-referred individuals at risk of perpetrating violence are offered on a sliding-scale basis. Please call 805-473-6507 for more information.
Services Available at the WSP
24-Hour Emergency Response
Peer based and confidential crisis counseling, information, referrals, and access to the immediate safety of emergency shelter is provided. Call 805-781-6400 between the hours of 8:30 am and 5 pm, Monday-Friday or 805-549-8989 after-hours or on the weekends.
Emergency Shelter
Individuals who self-identify as female and their children may stay at the emergency shelter while participating in a comprehensive program. The program includes counseling, support groups, parenting classes, case management, food, clothing, referrals and advocacy with community services. Men are also provided shelter in a safe and confidential location (though not at the emergency shelter) and given appropriate supportive services.
Counseling Services
The Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence provides counseling to victims, abusers, and children. WSP believes that couples counseling is not a safe forum in which to deal with these issues and will provide individual therapy without endangering your safety. Call 805-473-6507 for more information.
Legal Assistance
WSP’s Legal Assistance Program provides assistance to victims in obtaining Temporary Restraining Orders (TROs). Call 781-6418
Local Victim Services
Women’s Shelter Program of SLO County (WSP)
Daytime Crisis Line: 805-781-6400
After Hours Crisis Line: 805-549-8989
Business Office: 805-781-6401
Counseling Services: 805-473-6507
Legal Services/TRO: 805-781-6418
www.womensshelterslo.org
North County Women’s Shelter and Resource Center (NCWRC)
Business Office: 805-461-1338
After Hours Crisis Line: 805-549-8989
northcountywomensshelter.org
Sexual Assault, Recovery and Prevention (SARP) Center
Phone Number: 805-545-8888
www.sarpcenter.org
211 SLO Hotline
After Hours Crisis Line: 805-549-8989
www.slohotline.org
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