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Myth: The problem of intimate partner violence is greatly exaggerated.
Reality: Physical violence is estimated to occur in 4 to 6 million intimate relationships each year in the United States.
Myth: Men and women have always fought; it is natural.
Reality: There is occasional conflict in every family and relationship, but there is no need for violence. Spousal beating is a crime of rage, power, and control. The batterer often thinks he has the right to control his partner through any means, even beating. Violence is never an acceptable way to solve problems.
Myth: Intimate partner violence only happens in the lower socioeconomic classes and minority populations.
Reality: Intimate partner violence occurs in families from all social, racial, economic, educational, and religious backgrounds. It occurs in towns, suburbs, rural areas, and neighborhoods. Battered women with few economic resources are more visible because they seek help from public agencies and are counted in statistics. Women from middle and upper economic groups are more likely to seek help from private agencies.
Myth: Battering usually only happens once. It should be a private family matter, not a crime.
Reality: A battering incident is rarely an isolated occurrence; beatings escalate in frequency and intensity. Assault is a crime whether it is committed within or outside the family.
Myth: Intimate Partner Violence only happens between married heterosexual couples.
Reality: Intimate Partner Violence can occur between: married couples, boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-couples, and same sex couples.
Myth: Battered women are masochistic and crazy; they provoke and enjoy their abuse.
Reality: Women do not provoke or deserve battering. They deserve a violence-free life. As does happen with rape, the attempt is made to blame the victim for the behavior of the attacker. Abusers commonly blame minor frustrations for their battering, including alcohol and drug abuse, and/or the words or behavior of their partner. However, the abuser’s use of violence is the choice of the abuser. There are non-violent ways to deal with anger.
A battered woman's reactions to the violence are normal, given the circumstances, and the reactions are often necessary for survival. She is not crazy. She still hopes her partner will change, and indeed, he may show remorse and there may be some good times; however, the good times and remorse happen less and less over time.
Myth: Men who abuse women are mentally ill and not responsible for their actions.
Reality: Battering is a learned behavior from childhood experiences and from social messages condoning violence against women. Psychological tests have repeatedly shown that men who abuse women do not differ from the "normal" male. Lenore Walker's study showed that batterers had learned as children that violence was an appropriate response to anger. Abusers are not out of control, but are trying to get control over their partner with demands, threats, and physical abuse. They deny and minimize the violence, and blame their partners for the violence. The abusers violent behavior will continue as long as society continues to refuse to treat their violence as a serious crime and impose serious consequences.
Myth: Alcohol and drug abuse cause intimate partner violence.
Reality: Alcohol and drug abuse do not cause intimate partner violence. The violence may be more severe when alcohol or drugs are involved. Alcohol and drugs may also intensify existing violent behavior.
Sixty-five percent of intimate partner violence cases have NO drugs or alcohol involvement. Many batterers do not abuse alcohol or drugs and many alcohol or drug abusers do not batter. Chemical dependency treatment will not cure battering; the two problems need to be dealt with separately. The alcohol abuse rate for abused women is the same as that of the general female population, 7 to 14 percent. Their alcohol abuse does not justify their being battered.
Myth: Batterers cannot change.
Reality: The criminal justice system can hold batterers accountable for their actions and court order the choice of jail or counseling. Men who batter can learn to take responsibility for their own behavior and can learn non-violent ways to act and communicate. The programs for men who batter are only as effective as the willingness of the batterer to change.
Myth: Once the battering stops, everything will be okay.
Reality: There can be psychological, emotional, and sexual abuse, which often continues even when the battering has stopped. These behaviors must also stop before the healing can start.
Women who are abused feel fear, depression, anxiety, helplessness, anger and embarrassment. Lowered self-esteem can develop from constant insults and put-downs by her abuser. She is often isolated by her partner and has lost touch with friends and family. She may be afraid that they will blame her for the violence. The support of friends, family, and the community is necessary for her to recognize her strengths and to believe that she is a good person who deserves a violence-free life. Recovery from abuse is a process and can take a long time.
Myth: Children are not affected by the violence in their home?
Reality: Children who live with domestic violence face increased risks: exposure to traumatic events, neglect, being directly abused, and losing one or both of their parents. All of these may lead to negative outcomes for children and may affect their well-being, safety, and stability (childwelfare.gov)
Myth: Intimate partner violence is only a family problem.
Reality: Intimate partner violence is still viewed by many as just a family problem, even though the effects are serious. It is a crime that can result in serious injury or death. Social problems such as alcoholism, drug addiction, juvenile delinquency, suicide, and runaway children are increased by violence in the home. Businesses lose $3 to 5 billion dollars each year because of absenteeism resulting from abuse, and $100 million in medical costs. Communities spend millions of dollars every year on intervention. Society suffers when individuals and families are destroyed by intimate partner violence.
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